K is for There Would Still Be More

...there would still be more!

and more! 

to be thanKful for.

(that's from a song learned in primary this month).

This year we flew to St. George for Thanksgiving. I am so thankful for easy, free flights to see family.

It was stress free, pretty wide open flights, we all sat together and the flight attendants gave us free snacks. 

They treat us like royalty, and the kids sat together and did their own thing. 

I'm thankful for family to spend the weekend with. 

I'm so thankful for all the dogs - the house full of the sweetest dogs. 

There was Murphy of course, but we were also dog sitting Morgan's dog and Grandma Cook's dog. 

Those two big dogs are the best dogs ever. 

Murphy has such a tender heart. He literally hugs you when you sit/stand by him. He makes each one of us feel special and loved. 

That may seem silly and whatever, but I am positive he feels the sadness that has been in this house for 4 years, and he has become the best therapy dog. He was always a great dog, but this trip specifically he was so attentive to every person. So many hugs and so much love. 

Dogs just know things that are invisible. 

I'm thankful for sunshine and healthy bodies.

Thanksgiving morning Sharley took us to these stairs to get some exercise. 

Jamie and her girls also met us there. I only did three laps, but the other kids and Jim and Sharley did 6 laps. 

I am not kidding when I say we were all hobbling around SORE in the calves from this fun activity. 

I loved it. 

I'm so thankful for good food.

I'm thankful that Sharley has found a special friend (boyfriend!). She is so so happy and is having so much fun, and I am so happy for her. It feels so good to hear her laugh and play and joke. 

I'm so thankful for my kids and their unique personalities. 

It's truly miraculous that each child could come from the same set of genes and be so completely different. 

Avery is so wise,

Evan is so playful,

 Andrew is so quirky. 

Teddy is so playful too. They are a good team. 

I'm so thankful for the Christmas season.

Lights and excitement and traditions. 

My kids are so excited to watch Christmas movies and do all our traditions. It's such a fun and fast month. 

I'm thankful for the memories Jim and I have of our lives in Southern Utah together. 

My college years were some of my favorite and Jim was right there in it. 

I'm thankful for the temple. It's so good. 

I'm thankful for hikes, and SUNSHINE. Did I already mention the sunshine?

Sandstone and views and memories. 

Evan remembered this hike from about 10 years ago. Little Andrew bonked his head on some rock outcropping that day.  

It was a fun, fast trip.

Puzzles, so much food, cousins, dogs, always a full belly, Grandma and Grandpa, rolls, swimming with Damon, shopping with Reese/Sammy.

Lance

When people ask how the funeral was, I don't totally know how to answer. 

It has been a long goodbye. I don't know when you are supposed to cry - 5 years ago at the diagnosis?  Now at the funeral?

I am happy for him - free from the prison his brain was in.

But sad for the Lance sized hole he leaves behind. 

The funeral was so great, all his kids and Sharley spoke. They told the best stories about Lance. 

We came to the viewing and Andrew had a lot of questions about it. 

He was properly curious about it all. Jim took him to the casket and helped him touch Lance's hand. 

Viewings are a weird place of reunions and quiet reconnecting with people you haven't seen in 20 years.

High emotions of sudden sadness and joy. 

Thinking about the thin veil that separates us.

Thinking about the life we all live. 

Reunions, separations. 

At one point out of nowhere I was crying and Andrew saw and he got so uncomfortable and unsure what to do. He just kind of stole glances at me and blinked away his own tears. 

I don't have a lot of words to say about it.

It's just hard to understand all the way. 

One of my favorite Lance memories is when we were all in Chicago for Joe's wedding,

my kids were so little and big cities are intense with littles! Lance helped out so much, which is the epitome of Lance. He's always looking for someone to serve. 

Click HERE to read about how he swooped in during the wedding ceremony with loud and unruly little Evan. 

After the funeral, we stopped by the temple. 

Tomorrow would be our 23rd anniversary, so we took the kids to the exact place we were married. 

There is a picture from that day of Jim making this face. 

We also have a pic of him dipping me here under the tree. We forgot how to dip for a minute.

Big sigh. I don't know. 

Fallon

3am wake up call, drive to Seattle. Have heart attacks in the airport always. 

We rolled into Reno so early! 

9:00

Emily picked us up, and we met up with cousins at Scheels. 

It was so fun to dink around the mall, ride the ferris wheel for a dollar, then go to mini-golf.

The biggest bummer is that Jim had to stay home and work.

We did so many fun things he would have loved. 

Like while we were playing in Reno, some of the men went mountain biking. darn.

So many big kids these days, but they have cousin fun just like always. 

Change the water with Rob,

Sunday dinner, Sunday games, 

So much Wimbledon on Jamie's phone,

lawn golf, mountain bikes.

Remember the surprising MVP of CanJam was Mylie and Damon? haha they were unbeatable. 

This summer there was a litter of 6 kitties down at the old barn! 

It was like a gift, just for our tourism pleasure. 

That barn is so nostalgic to me. I spent hours playing around with cousins. 

Climbing walls, raising each other on the car lift...

I remembered Randy had written Goo on the harvesters. Yep it's still there:

We blew up a thousand tubes then floated down the river. 

This trip I got to spend a surprise lot of time with Aaron. 

He and me and Jamie clumped together the whole time down the river. 

We got talked in to going to gross Sonic after. 

That night we rented the pool and had such a blast. 

There are no rules when you rent, so the kids clogged the slide over and over. 

Four-wheelers and kitties. Repeat and repeat. 

Kitties are a highlight ever summer. 

All the menfolk hate them. They are in the way and mangy. 

But they keep the mice away!

This year the kids watched a lot of "Love on the Spectrum". 

When we were brainstorming about what activities we should do, I remembered my favorite from when I was a kid - go to Sand Mountain and have a weenie roast. 

We haven't been in DECADES because it kind of got taken over by four wheelers. 

But we went on a weekday, and hoped for the best.

And it was THE BEST. I have forgotten how beautiful and impossible it is! 

Even in 100 degree heat! 

I was so nervous that it would be a terrible activity, but it turned out to be my favorite. 

I actually can't stop thinking about it. It was SO FUN. And hard. The kids' faces were red hot at the top.  

I love the blank canvas of the sand. 

Hanging out at the top while the sun goes down,

hold sand in your hand like an hourglass,

Abe comes up on his four wheeler and makes us laugh, 

slide down on a sled, 

avoid the very top where the wind whips the sand in your eyes. 

Then back down where the grandparents set up the fire and food. 

Sand in your hair,

fire smoke in your clothes,

melted marshmallow sticky fingers.

It is the messiest and the best. That half hour ride home so tired and dirty. 

The houses empty out day by day as families go home. 

The cousin group gets smaller until they all fit into one car to go to Walmart. 

Mom's mama cat was pregnant and disappeared - we wondered where she had her babies. 

Then as the Kelvingtons were pulling away to drive home, we heard a mew behind this bush. 

There was one crying baby and one dead baby!

The mama then moved the one baby to the garage and had three more kitties. 

I don't know if the babies survived. The mama cat didn't really know how to stay put. 

This whole week was so fun. My kids forget about their other life. 

But also this whole week I had on my mind: the post from Sharley that Lance had a seizure and was now sedated. His final days were opon us.

Every day I wondered if he was still with us. 

This has been 5 years of wondering if he is still with us. 

But now it was going to be final. 

When I touched down in Seattle and turned on my phone, I saw the pictures of their sweet family gathered around him as he passed. 

I guess this is also part of why this summer feels so askew. Every minute with family is so precious and it feels like everything is flying out of my hands. 

Is this just a normal feeling you get when you are 45? 

Sand slipping through my fingers.