I've been thinking about what to answer for this prompt, and a few days ago I came up with
"I crave not worrying about my kids".
Like big kid worries: bad grades, making the JV team instead of the Varsity team...
little things that I can't control that break my kids' hearts.
I crave the time of life when they were babies and toddlers and preschoolers, when I could easily fix any and all problems. I could control so much of their lives. It was so simple! I didn't even know how simple that time was.
So as I was fixing to write this post about not worrying about my kids, Evan got sick and we ended up in the ER. So YEAH. Worrying about kids is a nonstop ticker in my brain that will never ever go away.
Thursday Evan went to school, felt normal, went to track practice.
About half way through practice he called me and said his stomach hurt really bad.
Come get me.
So I jumped in the car and went to get him. At the school, he was laying on the sidewalk waiting for me. He called right before I pulled up and asked "where are you?"
He was in a lot of pain.
He was super uncomfortable the whole drive home. It reminded me of when Jim had kidney stones, so "appendicitis" flashed in my brain for a minute.
But the sharp pain was localized near the top of his stomach, not the lower right.
At home he was miserable in bed, and then he threw up.
He threw up again and again. I gave him a Zofran, but he threw up more and more.
My butterflies were in full effect. Uneasy. Make dinner. Don't tell Avery he threw up.
He continued to throw up and be miserable. On the 11th puke, he told us that there was something that looked like blood in the puke. This is after a very empty stomach.
10:00
I called teledoc and as I'm discussing what is going on with the doctor, I knew we needed to go to the ER. We tried to find every reason not to take him in, but there were only reasons to go.
But the ER is the worst vortex of space and time.
Evan did NOT want to go. He was so nervous that he would find out he has a "disease". I reassured him that this was just to be safe, he is probably fine but we need to make sure it's nothing serious.
PS Me and Jim had been watching a movie - and two minutes after me and Evan left for the ER, Jim said a character threw up blood. The family ignored it. In the next scene the character was dead. Jim said even if we talked ourselves out of going to the ER, we would have gone after watching that part. Crazy right?
So we checked in. The waiting room was empty. That's a good sign.
We got our initial triage check in right away. Evan said he had just been learning about triage in Biomed, and since we got in quickly - that is a bad sign. I reassured him there was no one else in line and that's why we were "first". haha
11:00
He found a bench to lay on in the waiting room. He couldn't sit upright.
We got called back, scoring "Hall Bed 1".
Evan immediately needed to puke. We just barely got a bag under him as it came up. I said "oh good we can see if there is any blood in there". But they literally just threw it away instead of sifting through it. ha
It was loud and bright in Hall Bed 1, but it was also entertaining. I watched all the nurses come and go and do their thing. The beginning stage of the ER you think you are almost done. You think you will only be there maybe an hour more.
We explained all our symptoms and they started us with bloodwork and some meds to help with pain and nausea and stopping any internal bleeding.
The doc initially said maybe he just had a rupture from all the puking. Maybe we will go home soon.
I relaxed knowing he was ok and it was no big thing.
Waiting on bloodwork, this is our best nurse Peg, and the best book "Virgil Wander" and Evan sleeping in the bright hallway with lots of good fluids in his IV.
12:00
The hours waiting on doctors and techs and orders is long and weird.
Like if you would have told me that I was going to sit here on an uncomfortable chair for LITERALLY 5 HOURS, I would have been heartbroken.
But you don't know that, so you just keep sitting and reading and watching the nurses and touching Evan's forehead. Cross and uncross your legs. Watch the hours pass.
Listen to all the other patients speaking Spanish and Punjabi, people trying to get painkillers for a pretend broken arm, watch a guy get treated while wearing handcuffs, watch the ambulance guys roll in an old lady with a heart attack and sepsis, a lady coughing and coughing and saying she needs a pad because the coughing is making her pee.
Lots going on. So many nurses and their comfortable walking shoes up and down the hallway.
1:00
The doctor comes with blood work results.
Evan's white blood count is double the normal number, which indicates an infection.
He pushed around on Evan's abdomen and located the main source of pain right where his appendix is.
We looked at each other and knew.
Then he ordered up an ultrasound to make sure. "We don't want to send you home with appendicitis."
PS the kid in the room next to us was currently also being diagnosed with appendicitis. He was about 5 hours ahead of us in the process.
Jim offered to come and relieve me, but I needed him to get some rest/sleep so we could swap out in the morning. One of us needs to get sleep.
As we head to the ultrasound, I hit a wall of fear.
I hate ultrasounds. I hate trying to read the tech's face.
I hate looking at the grainy organs and wondering if that is normal. I am so afraid it is something terrible, and not just a sick appendix.
So I finally asked the tech what do you see, what are you looking at?
She tells me what each organ is, and I diagnosed the tone of her voice.
Gall bladder, kidney, appendix.
She spends a lot of time on the appendix.
The room was so dark and quiet. Evan fell asleep. I start to nod off sitting in the chair.
Then another motherly tech comes in and double checks the appendix. I ask about it, but of course they are coy about what they see. "The doctor will have to talk to you, but we are looking at the appendix".
Please be the appendix. Such a simple fix. Then my brain decides that it is ten other really terrible things.
2:30
Back at Hall Bed 1, the doctor comes and says "appendicitis".
And I say oh good! Now what?
Peggy gets him hooked up to a bunch of antibiotics in prep for surgery. He sleeps while all the fluid bags drip into his body.
I am getting so hungry. A nurse brings me a hot drink that helps pass the time.
3:30
More waiting, the surgeon comes and talks with us.
He asks all the questions again and feels Evan's abdomen again.
He talks about how simple and tolerable appendectomies are. He's done twenty thousand in his career.
He is older and bald and confident and calm and I love him.
He says "we are having a special on appendectomies tonight! I've already done one, am about to do another, then I will do Evan's".
They come in threes in the ER, all nursers confirm.
Surgeon orders a CAT scan because he likes to be sure before he removes organs, and the ultrasound is only so clear.
Evan goes and gets a CAT scan.
5:00
We finally get put into a dark quiet room.
I get this really great recliner chair and two warm blankets and a pillow. I could kiss the nurse.
We settle in for a little sleep. But then this alarm keeps beeping on the machine. I get up and silence it.
Settle back to sleep...alarm starts again.
It is waking Evan and he's annoyed, so I just have to get up and silence it every literal 3 minutes.
Once you decide, "no actually you don't get to take a little sleep", it's much easier to cope with getting up every three minutes to silence the alarm.
I read my book and it is the most best book, I love every word. Thank you book, for taking me out of this ER into a "slice of life" other world.
("slice of life" is a term Andrew used to describe his favorite book, The Wild Robot. Meaning, there isn't a lot of action, but the words describing the ordinary life is the most entertaining thing.)
6:30
Nurse Peggy says we have a room ready in the main hospital, and a time slot for surgery.
Evan starts to get really nervous about surgery. He asks what it will be like.
Nurse Peggy's shift ends at 7:00. She gives Evan a dose of a narcotic as a pre-op procedure.
7:30
We get wheeled into the main hospital to his room 204.
Jim comes as soon as Avery and Andrew are launched to school.
Being in this room, I realize the chaos we had been living in the ER. This place is calm and scheduled and orderly.
Evan is so thirsty. He has lots of fluid in his body, but nothing in his mouth since school lunch a zillion hours ago. He is craving an orange and apple juice.
Jim comes in, and it's so good to have a team and a plan and a solution within reach.
He is here to relieve me, but I can't let go quite yet.
8:00
We go with Evan as he is wheeled to the pre-op room where they debrief and ask a million questions I've already answered, and I hit a wall.
I am starving and tired and my teeth are so hairy.
I hand the wheel to Jim and make my way home.
I get home, eat two giant fajita burritos, take the best shower, and get in bed and sleep...
11:00
I text Jim what's going on?
He's in surgery now.
12:00
Jim texts "textbook appendectomy".
No perforation, no leaking, no gangreen.
Which means he can go home in a few hours!
His beloved apple juice.
Post op food is the besssst.
2:30
They are home! Evan is tender in the incision area, but he feels so much better than he has in the past 24 hours. There is a ginger pep to his step.
The doctor said an appendectomy is one of the few surgeries that you feel way better afterwards than you did before.
So what do I crave? Not worrying about my kids. But more specifically, not worrying about things I can't control.
This problem - appendicitis - turns out to be one of the most simple of problems with a simple solution. And I am so so thankful for that. We were there and back within 16 hours!
There were no complications, no big hurdles to jump. We had access to all the things we needed, quite immediately. Jim and Me were a great tag team. Evan is feeling so good and happy.
