This Is Fun...

 Ooh, looking a little haggard. 

How amazing is childbirth? 

I grew that little pumpkin. 

And another. I like his feet here.

Some Thoughts

At 38 weeks.

 

Physically.

I've been told by two doctors that this boy feels like a big guy. Dr. Mallory says he feels like high eights, maybe nine pounds. "You're growing a healthy baby in there."

It all feels like baby, not water taking up all that room. And trust me, from the inside, he is taking up all nooks and crannies. I feel so....FULL. Packed tight. There is so much pressure on my bladder and that system. I am waddling. I am a waddling pregnant lady.

 

Emotionally.

One minute I am just so ready to have this baby. Let's go right this second and get him out. I don't even care how scary surgery wide awake is.

The next minute I get a surge of butterflies and am so nervous imagining that dreaded blue curtain over me, laying there with Jimi at my head. Trying to ignore the tugging and pulling.

I'm so nervous I am going to go into labor before January third. I really don't want to him to come before the darn third.

 

Spiritually.

So, this may sound odd, but I often think of Piper in the afterlife. I wonder about pets and eternity. Will we get to play with her again?

Today at the Olive Garden, we were talking and I wondered out loud if this baby will get to see Piper before he comes down to Earth. I believe that he will get to meet some of his grandparents on the other side, but what about the Piper dog?

Then we got to talking about some dreams/experiences people have had with new babies and deceased family members.

I got this great vision (not a prophetic one, mind you) of my baby being escorted to the threshold - whatever that entails - of joining earth life by my/Jimi's grandparents. The term "escorted" resounds comfortably in my mind. Here I am, nervous about this new baby coming to our family, but I'm sure it's a scary thing for my baby boy's soul as he's getting ready to join us. It's comforting to think about him surrounded by people who love him.

 

Maybe a little bit deep for the blog, but who reads blogs anymore anyway? Only people who really care about and love me anyway, so I don't care.  And that's what I've been thinking about at T minus 6 days til this baby is born.

At 35 Weeks

 

At the risk of being a whiner, I am going to record some of my thoughts here at 35 weeks pregnant.

We went to "A Walk Through Bethlehem" tonight, which is what it sounds like...You walk through all these vendors and there are animals and you can "buy" stuff that maybe they had in Bethlehem back then with the coins they give you, and all that.

 

By the time the hour was over, my back was a big twist of nerves and my belly was so heavy and tired and raw feeling.

And I still feel a bit nauseous. Nothing too terrible, but more than is preferred by any human being.

 

At one point in the walk through Bethlehem, Mary and Joseph come through with their donkey and she is great with child of course.

I've always appreciated and admired Mary, but this year, I can honestly empathize with her to some extent. Surely she had a bubble of heavenly hosts surrounding her while she journeyed. It's all just so heavy and achy.

 

I am so thankful for my warm house and soft leather couch and heating pad on my back. These things probably didn't exist in 0 BC.

 

My doctor thinks this baby is going to be more like Avery's size (she was 8 8). Everything's just so "solid in there". She's guessing the upper 7 pound range. I agree. This guy just feels so filled out. There's NO ROOM left!

 

One thing I am obsessing about right now is what I can do to avoid bending over.

When something falls to the ground, I stare at it and really wiegh the importance of picking it back up. Will it hurt anyone if I just leave it there? Who can I get to pick it up for me...

 

I made Avery a little chore chart thingy and both kids have really championed around picking up their stuff.

 

On the other hand, I really want to live in the moment - embrace this "season" in my life. Enjoy the movements of having a baby grow inside me. It's something I actively have to remember. This won't last much longer. It's a very small and special time in my life.

 

Of course I am getting nervous for surgery day. All that stuff is not my favorite. And something so strange lately is how obsessed Evan is with that darn Alicia Keys song that I was singing when he was born. He asks for it all the time and bops his head and sings along with ol' Alicia. It's trippy because - how does he know his connection to that song?

I know when it's time to extract this baby boy I am going to need some kind of similar distraction. Hopefully they have the radio on in this operating room too. Or something.

K is for Kelli

 

Hey, that's me!

 

Sometimes my belly looks like a sack full of kittens. All the moving around and poking and prodding.

Avery came to my last doctor's appointment and I told her she could hear the the baby's heart beat. When the doctor put the wand over my belly, she put her hands over her ears.

 

Also, you're not going to believe me, but sometimes when he's moving around, my belly makes a *snap* noise. Like my muscles are ripping, but not that violent. It's weird!

 

January 3rd is the date.

 

 

N is for Nesting

My friend gave me a bunch of hand me down baby clothes yesterday, so I got them all washed and folded and sorted.

This kind of thing is extremely fun for the eight months pregnant lady.

 

These tiny onsies are my favorite.

So little and not stretched out or soiled. Ready for the skinny little legs and arms of a newborn. 

My Aching Back

 

I have entered the "fat mama barking orders from the couch" phase of pregnancy.

Think:

 Bendickson

or if you're not from Fallon,

What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

 

"Hey you! hand me the remote."

"Avery Jean?! Get your brother a drink"

"All right now everyone, I'm gonna need socks on my feet."

 

My back is so tired. I don't remember it being this tired before.

I choose my "bendings over" wisely.

 

Like, when I'm transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer and some inevitably fall to the ground, I only bend over once to grab the stragglers.

 

Cleaning the living room - I wander around on my knees gathering as much stuff as possible before standing up. All bending over is accompanied with a pitiful grunt, so as to make sure everyone in the room knows it hurts to do so. I'm considering bringing the rake in for permanent.

 

Have I told you yet that my back hurts? It does.

 

 

Here We Go

first and second month...

I obviously didn't care about showing off the mess behind me.

third and fourth month...

I started to scoot things out of the picture so it looks like I have a clean bedroom.

 

fifth and sixth month...

Oh my, what a lovely clean household you maintain!

Thank you. We are a tidy bunch.

 

And thus we begin our third trimester.

How is that belly going to possibly get bigger? Oh but it will.

I still take a half zofran in the morning and a half in the afternoon.

I haven't puked in months (yay!) but I still feel like garbage for a few hours a day.

 

This pregnancy is different in that I have been somewhat more active.

Triathlon, a few soccer games, rafting the Skagit, hiking in Zion, running, walking.

Have I mentioned I've gained the most weight with this go round? Ah, whatever.

 

Now on to the holiday season. Exciting times. The trees are changing colors, there is spice in the air.

And before you know it, this baby will be here.

 

Feel This

I don't ever want to forget

- but I know I will -

the feeling of having a baby move inside me all day long.

 

I get so excited about it, and want to share it with whoever is sitting next to me.

But they put their hand up to my belly and the movement stops.

 

Avery is still excited about the prospect of feeling the baby, but so far he has stopped his stretching and kneading the minute her hand is on him.

 

When I'm in public and he's clawing like an alien to get out, I look around to see if anyone else can see how distorted my belly is, but of course, they can't. And even if they could, who cares about the pregnant lady over there?

 

I have decided it is something just special between the baby and the mama.

 I need to just take the feeling and keep it as mine and his.

 

And it is a memory that is hard to recapture once the baby is out - the constant reminder of a living little human inside there.

I will never get over how amazing the whole thing is.

Baby Boy!

Today Jimi and I went in to see what we are having.

 

Right away we see the little wienie.

"Is that a wiener?"

"That's a wiener!"

 

He was so sweet the whole time. The ultrasound lady said this was the fastest screening she's ever done.

So yeah, we already have a mild, obedient boy. I'm positive he will stay that way.

I was actually really surprised. I have thought of this baby as a girl the whole time for some reason.

But, ta da!

Wiener.

 

I said, "but I have a really cute girl name picked out, and no boy names at all!"

 

White people problems.

 

No but seriously here folks, I am so excited for two brothers to have each other to play with.

When we told Avery we were going to have a baby brother, she got a frown for a second and was sad for another second, and then she smiled and said,

"I already have a baby sister Molly!" (her imaginary friend).

 

So we are all set for another boy around here.

I just want to hold him at this 20 week milestone, but I still have a loooong time.

It's a tease is what it is.

 

Growing

Evan is growing up.

He is going through the stage that Avery went through while we were in Austin.

No more booster/high chair, has to climb into the car seat by himself, gets food out of the fridge for himself to eat...

So far no climbing out of the crib though. Thank goodness.

At this age, Avery watched Beauty and the Beast over and over.

Evan's movie is Toy Story. Luckily there are three to choose from, so it's not too annoying.

I'm embarrassed to say how many times a day we watch this movie.

Today I heard the baby's heartbeat.

I feel him/her moving around every once in a while.

That first time you feel it, and you're like "was that it? i think that was it". and then you feel it again...

It's one of the most spectacular feelings. And it lasts a precious 25ish weeks. It's absolutely one of my favorite things about pregnancy.

It's like there's an alien inside me! And I'm growing it! I'm my own little garden.

The first time I felt Avery, I was in a ward auxillary meeting, with Evan I was driving to the store, and this one I was in a primary meeting.

I like it.

Ooh there I felt him/her again.

Little Fetus

Perhaps ultrasound pictures are only adorable, amazing, facinating, adorable, and adorable to the mother in whose belly the little being resides.

I just think this baby is the cutest.

Look at that little nose. And its leg was kicked strait up in the air the whole time; the hand resting on its face.

teeny little legs

dramatic little arm and hand

teddy bear face

the foot! hello little feet.

I just can't wipe the smile off my face when that wand wipes over the belly.

Side note: I love this ob/gyn office. Little things like the jelly stuff is warmed so that you aren't shocked when it's squirted on your belly. And you do the litmus test yourself when you pee in the cup. For some reason that makes me feel important and educated. (Right? Or should I feel like "this is a job for someone who gets paid"? Well, for now I like it.)

I love Dr. Doweling. Today I asked her, timidly, if when I get sewed back up she was going to staple me together (that gives me the willies. I don't want to be stapled), and she explained how she sutchers. Just like Dr. Juarez. And she totally agreed with me on not wanting to be stapled.

Anyway, just little things are making me feel very comfortable. I know those are trivial, but everything about this office is awesome. 

We are sticking with the due date January 9.

10 Weeks

I've been looking forward to being in the double digits (gestational weeks) because that's when your hormones are supposed to peak and then you "won't feel so sick and tired".

But someone needs to tell my pregnancy app that that is not true. For me, things have gotten worse. Worse worse worse. I feel like I've been hit by a large truck full of sledgehammers, and it collided with a truck full of energy suckers.

I was bragging about how I've only thrown up three times this pregnancy...well you can scratch that off my list of accomplishments. For my future self who wants to see when I will be the sickest of my future pregnancy (if there is one...seriously): so far it's really gone down hill week 10. I know, you are soo mad about that, future self. I am too.

I am reading "The Hiding Place" to try to keep my "plight" in perspective. There could be worse things to endure in life than pregnancy, I suppose.

Avery tells me she has a baby in her belly too. I told her she needs to be married in order to have a baby in her belly and she said "I am married! To Evan and HeMan!"

(which is funny because Evan is her brother and HeMan couldn't be more gay...have you watched that show recently? It's extremely funny how gay he is.)

Also on my pregnancy app, there is a baby name feature, and it has the most popular names from different parts of the country. Well look at what the number 19 boy and girl names are in Canada:

Even funnier because we are practically Canadian.

Alright, that's enough. I need to go lay down.

The Heart Beat

Before seeing the heartbeat on that little monitor, pregnancy to me is mostly just a farce. A big joke. "yeah right, like THAT'S going to cause cells to come together in the form of a human. Like there is something that resembles a baby in your belly? haha! Funny. No, you're just going to feel really sick for no reason. ha ha". (That's the universe speaking I guess).

I get so nervous on ultra sound days. Plus this is a new doctor and new nurses and it's all new, so I was extra nervous. Butterflies and stuff. I was just kind of homesick for Dr. Juarez. But the nurse was super awesome, like I wanted to take her home with me, and the doctor was really great. There are 5 doctors at this practice, so I'm not sure if she will be the one to deliver me...but it is a relief to know that I love this office.

So then we got in the room to have the ultra sound, I'm only in a gown, and nervous, and my armpits are sweaty. The machine focuses in on my little cave, and there is my gummy bear. And there is the heart, vibrating along. I giggle at it, and don't take my eyes off it while they do their measuring. I can't stop smiling at that little being. There really is something in there! Is there a greater miracle of our time than a human being growing inside a mama's belly? No, I say.

It blows my mind.

Mother's Day

This mother's day, I specifically asked for breakfast in bed, please. You see, I couldn't hang around in bed until 10am without something in my belly because I am pregnant.

I haven't decided if the pee stick picture is gross or not. It's gross, isn't it?

Anyway, so this mother's day I got a fruit and yogurt parfait in bed. Then I rolled over and went in a sick-pregnant-writhe-around-in-misery sleep.

So it was good, but you know.

I'm still only sevenish weeks, but I choose not to keep these things very secret. I like to complain about being sick too much.

The question is, can this mama really handle one more little yayhoo in nine months?

I hope so.

I do love my babies.

I love to watch them play when they don't know I'm watching.

I love to kiss their cheeks and smell their smell. Both kids have distinct smells. I could pick them out of a room blind folded.

I love to look at them while they are sleeping. Ahhh, so quiet.

I'm currently yelling at Evan to quit throwing rocks in my garden.

2010 Year in Review

here are some pictures throughout the 2010 year that never got posted. my how the kids have changed.

January

waiting...waiting...

I wore that shirt a lot in january.

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February

while Jimi and I were at the hospital, G and G Larsen took good care of Avery.

This was taken with her camera while we were away.

the hospital bassinet burrito

(my mom took this before she left)

ok. there are a few good reasons this picture was never posted.

reason 1. postpartum thighs

reason 2. postpartum headlights

reason 3. post dinner spit up on my arm

but...look how tiny that baby is in my arms.

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March

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April

aaah. coming up for air. it's good to be back.

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May 

birthday girl

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June 

cottonwood

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July 

summertime!

healing cut

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August 

the grandkids

13 of them at the time

my dad calls Evan Charlie Brown

family pictures: it always looks easier than it is.

that was fun

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September 

i didn't leave any pictures unposted in september

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October 

backpacks

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November

nature preserve

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December

goodbye, Austin