Mother's Day

I love being a mom. 

I'm mad/sad they are leaving my nest. I want to keep them nested. 

I hope my feelings evolve, I'm sure they will. 

But I love them so much and having a family is the most fun. 

After church, wrestle match. Grass stains on church clothes. 

Andrew mad. 

We had a "brunch" together after church.

 I took a premade Costco quiche and put it in the oven, then we drank apple cider out of champain flutes. 

We "clinked" multiple times because I love clinking little glass cups on special occasions.

We were laughing all through brunch. I can't remember about what. But I remember we were die laughing.

One funny thing I remember: 

Evan went into the garage fridge to get another apple cider bottle. He was taking forever, and I knew why. The cider bottle was wrapped in packaging that is hard to get into. 

We were sitting there waiting and I said "what's taking so long? He's taking forever"

and immediately he walked in and said "That took forever" and we laughed ha ha ha,

and Avery said "that timing was just like a sitcom, with laugh track",

and Evan said "like that one show you were watching last night - beop be bum bum" (and he made the exact noise of Seinfeld music, which we were watching last night and he had never seen it before), 

and the noise he made was EXACTLY Seinfeld, so we knew the exact sit com he was talking about and it was SO FUNNY. It was SO EVAN. 

Also this is SO ANDREW: After we had brunch and the kitchen was all cleaned up and shiny, Evan said "I'm going to make you the most delicious dessert for mother's day", and I was like "please no, please don't, the kitchen is clean and I don't want a mess" etc etc and we kind of argued about it. 

And then Andrew came up to me and whispered, "mom please let him. He's really excited about this. He really wants to do something for you, just let him do it". 

These things, these little blips of sentences they say that are just pretty normal conversation, are so INEXPLICABLY true to their person, soul, character, personality. 

I don't know that anyone else would recognize the "them-ness"of the things, but it's something so true to my cells.

That's being a mom - really really knowing the littlest things about them. 

I cannot explain. 

Andrew is in the "highwater" stage of growth spurts. He is growing so fast, his pants don't fit and I love it so much. They are high at the ankles and loose around the waist. 

I saw a meme that said "Happy Mother's Day to the first born daughter". haha 

yeppp.

What am I going to do without our shadow mom when she goes to university. 

Who's knee am I going to squeeze in the middle of sacrament meeting when something awkward and squirmy happens? 

She always squeezes back and I swear it alleviates the second hand embarrassment that feels unbearable sometimes. 

I love them so much. 

Day 23 :: Something I Never Get Sick Of

 

I think I never get sick of watching my kids grow and become the next version of themselves. 

HOWEVER - I know where this is going. I know that Avery is about to launch right out of my nest. And then the other two will follow. It will break my heart, but also make me so happy. 

Today Avery got her patriarchal blessing. It was so amazing. She has such an amazing soul. I'm a little bit speechless about the things Brother Hoyt said about her - about her premortal, present, and future self. It made me realize she is a complete soul sovereign to herself. Not just my daughter. She is such a gift to this world. 

FIVE YEARS AGO

On Mother's Day, Evan made me chocolate waffles and brought them to me while I blogged in bed. 

Avery gave me a foot massage and painted my toenails. 

Andrew opted out of Mother's Day this year. Sometimes he is so thoughtful. Sometimes he is so oblivious. 

He is currently in his middle school era though. So we can't totally blame him for his addled brain. 

He went to the color dance last week - a middle school right of passage. 

It was on - rain or shine - and it was RAINY. 

Avery went to the prom last weekend. She planned and planned all her things, and in the end said she didn't like how she looked. Darn it. Well, I think she's the most beautiful. And she had lots of fun. 

Evan is in his "getting a license" era. 

Every day when I get done with soccer, he is there by my car finished with track practice. He drives us home. 

So yeah, I don't know what to do about my kids getting older. I love watching them grow and become. But I know it's bringing me one step closer to letting them go. 

The paradox of being a mom. 

I remember this same exact feeling when they were newborns. I wanted them to stay tiny skinny and red in my arms forever, simultaneously wanting them to gain weight, not be so fragile, get into a routine so I could sleep. 

Can we have it both ways? 

No. 

May, You Be Wild

Guys soccer is over. 

I have a lot of feelings about it. Lots of contradictory feelings. 

Thank goodness for Lindsay. Thank goodness for our forest loop. That's who and where I dump all my insides about it all. It's a lot of little things that start adding up. 

I miss these girls, I am so glad I don't have to spend my afternoon out there with these girls. 

I feel like I am a great coach, I feel like I have so much to learn about coaching.

I wonder what I could have done different to make our season more successful, I know middle school girls don't care a ton about being successful. 

All of it. 

I have a lot of selfies from them stealing my phone,

and I have a lot of BeReals with them. Any time the alert went off during soccer, I made sure to stop everything and get the closest child in the picture with me.

This Marcella is one of my top favorites. She's a dark horse. Look out for her in the future. 

Quiet, doesn't demand attention, goes anywhere on the field I ask her to without complaining: goalie, defense, mid field. 

One game I had a lot of girls gone for Ranger tryouts, so I asked her to be center mid. She was the whole engine of the team and did amazing. 

Mother's Day

There's a lot to say about motherhood here in the teen zone when things have really picked up speed. 

 I really truly didn't know I was going to ever get to this phase. This was for older moms. 

It's so fun, and so nervy, and confusing. But also kind of easier? More fun, more annoying. You get more disappointed when they act like fools because they should know better! Like, why would you put the hand towel on the toilet after drying your hands? Little stuff like that. Forgivable for preschoolers, by why would a high schooler do such a thing? 

That just happened today, so it's the only thing I can think of. haha.  

I squint my eyes at them and wonder if they are going to make it in the real world. 

Haha luckily they still have time to figure it all out. 

I gave a lesson in relief society on mother's day. One of the things we talked about is how AMBIGUOUS it is being a mom. Starting with EVE and her decision. She had to use all her discerning powers to come up with the realization that there was more to life than the garden of eden. She had an innate ability to be in tune with God's purposes. 

Because it's impossible to sum up motherhood in any other way - the comparison to Eve will have to do. 

I say "I don't know" on the daily. Because there is no knowing. Both answers are right, both answers are wrong. 

You just have to use that God given gift to see beyond the literal into the divine. 

Good luck everyone!

Bea and Avery RANDOMLY got the appointment to get their braces off at the same time same place!

They both did not like their teeth once the braces were off. I can't totally figure out why. 

But they have come around. 

I think they look amazing. 

HIKES!

The weather this month has been perfecto. It's like summer, and we take all the summer we can get around here. Don't miss a sunny day. 

Lair of the Bear. 

We put our bare(bear?) feet in the water while Jim and Joe mountain biked. 

Prettiest light. 

Fragrance Lake. First lake jump in of the summer. 

Canoe up Dreyton Harbor.

The water was like glass because of slack tide. 

Whoopsie Woodle overlook. 

And yesterday Bob's Trail while Jim and Vance mountain biked. 

Hammock season!

First dock jump!

Still soccer season for Andrew. 

This stupid picture of Juno and Koda in a cone is fully loaded. 

This weekend, the Dicksons officially moved out of the neighborhood. The new people and new car are parked in the Dickson house. 

We are not ok.

We had Bea and Gus and Juno stay with us for a few nights while they are transitioning to the new house - homeless for a week. 

First of all, Juno and Koda cannot figure out who the dominant dog is. They both want to be Alpha, neither can back down. So we had a giant dog fight in our yard the other day. Koda got 5 staples, Juno had some puncture wounds, and Jim got a bite to the arm while trying to break it up. 

So dumb. Then the next day when we all got home from school, they got into it AGAIN. This time Evan broke it up by grabbing Koda's butt and Bea grabbed Juno's butt. 

Koda's cone sliced Juno's leg. So then Juno was also in a cone. 

Oh yes, and we have Scout for a few days and SHE HAS A CONE because of a hot spot. 

SO IF YOU'RE KEEPING TRACK: Three shepherds all wearing cones of shame. 

haha it's hilarious and I'm also crying. 

It's too much mostly because Lindsay is gone. 

So many times the past few days I was gonna ask her to do a loop with me in OUR FOREST WE CREATED TOGETHER but she's not there. She's not there. 

Lindsay is the friend who listens to me the most. Because we are out there walking our dogs every day, she is there for the EVERY DAY mundane. The every day stuff about school and sports and kid dynamics. The every little gripe and every little stage of growing children. 

We don't save up for the big conversations because EVERY DAY it's the little conversations. 

(but also we have had some BIG conversations)

I can't explain why the fact that we graduated the same school year and were influenced by all the same pop culture and wore the same baggy plaided grunge clothes makes her click in my brain as though she's been my friend my whole life.  

And then we have kids at the same stages of life, so she pretty much showed me how to be the best mom I could be. She takes all the ambiguity and filters out the nonsense. 

Since Avery was in 1st grade we have been talking it all through. She is my mom mentor. 

And don't forget the stupid covid years. MY COHORT. 

That is the best dang description of her - my cohort. 

I know it's nothing new to have a friend move away. It's also nothing new that IT'S HARD. 

I don't like it. 

She moved five minutes down the road, so it's not the end of the world. 

And we promised we would still take dogs for walks on the regular. So. 

Plus she's co-owner of the forest, so.